Week 5/6 and I can safely say that I’ve only now just started to enjoy being here. I think I’ve been able to step back and everything is now not so new.
It’s taken a long time to get used to things, get used to the fact nothing will move very quickly (knowing this and the reality of it have been two different things and I’m sure it will be until I leave) and to break through the barriers with the founder, teachers, students and villagers as they see a lot of people come and go.
I’ve accepted that Cambodia will always be a place of extreme highs and lows. It makes me feel like a total schizophrenic some times. One minute I’m loving the kids, the laughter and general madness of all of them and the next I’m pulling my hair out when looking at the organisational side of things and the constant brick walls I’m hitting. I’ve realised I need to make my private time as stable as possible. I know downtime is vital to keeping myself sane and doing my job effectively. I think I’ll need to take time out, especially out of Siem Reap, every 3-4 weeks. This job also means I’m giving energy to people all the time. I’ve just come back from five days R&R in Bangkok (I know that doesn’t sound right) with my brother George and his fiancée Olivia and it was definitely the answer to me getting better both mentally and physically. Thanks a million George and Olivia.
When I went back to work after being away sick and then in Bangkok it had been about 10 days since the children had seen me. The children here are not affectionate at all. They do not hug or get close to you. They watch from afar and raise their hands in a prayer like motion every time they greet you, which is respectful, but also creates an immediate distance. In some ways it’s a good thing but how do you break through the barrier? Is it possible, necessary or just something cultural that I need to get used to? When I returned to school the children threw themselves at me. We ended up in a ‘Leah Pile Up’. The kids were standing on my head, stomach, legs. I’m not sure you could see me under a pile of 5-10 year old Cambodian boys and girls who were screaming and laughing. Barrier smashed through!!
I think being able to keep up the pretence of the project being perfect worked for about 2 weeks. Now all the issues are jumping out at me. I suppose that’s why I’m here for so long.
I’m usually quite good at being able to separate how I feel about something personally and professionally but that’s a very hard idea to maintain when I’m faced with something in the project I strongly do not agree with while at the same time seeing the teachers language and teaching skills improve and the children reacting to that. The organisation side of things sometimes makes me think why the hell are we doing this if I care more than they do? If I was sitting at my desk in the UK, after some of the problems I’ve faced so far, I would say “Walk away. Who cares?” But being here on the ground, seeing the teachers and kids learn something new and the look on their faces when they have a breakthrough moment is priceless and I can see why I need to slowly pick away at things (and scream a little sometimes).
The Cambodians seem to think that money will solve all of their problems. I’m finding this one hard to relate to. These people are incredibly resourceful and a lot of villages survive on less than 25c a day. Obviously, it’s not ideal but surely working out of poverty is more satisfying than being rescued and is sustainable long term?
Sadly I come across 4 major problems on a daily basis while trying to work here.
1. Money burns a hole in a Cambodians pocket. Anything they get is spent immediately and not always on the most necessary of things.
Explaining that the kids need books so they can move onto the next level and not footballs, as nice as they are, has been the latest brick wall.
2. In Khmer there are no tenses. With no future in their language it is almost impossible to be able to budget, plan for emergencies, set goals and plan what directions the schools are moving in.
3. They think that money will solve all of their problems including the organisational ones.
Explaining that a project needs a good foundation to start with and that the money can come in later when people can see that you are providing what you say you are is a concept that they find very hard to take in.
4. A lot believe they will be rescued.
Burying your head in the sand if there are problems and waiting for a western volunteer or tourist to throw money at it seems to be a good strategy here, especially with the guy I work with. And really who can blame them? It happens all over the place and seems to work until the next problem comes up.
Point 4 is a big problem with the guy I work with which is why I need to work very differently with him. We, the SAFE Foundation, are in a position where we could provide that financial support but we’ve had to work in a different way. No one will learn any new skills or ways of working and doing business if they are not shown or persuade to do it. We can’t just hand over money with no set goals or targets. Their attitudes and actions need to change and as they all seem to think the same way I’ve realised that can only be done by showing them. Telling them doesn’t work. If I tell them, the answer I get is “You don’t understand because you have money”. Last time I checked I was a volunteer!
Saving face. Translation: Thorn in my side!
I’m pretty sure this is in the Oxford English Dictionary. If it’s not your dictionary is out of date.
What it actually means is no one will own up if they have done something wrong. I raised a few very important organisational issues the other day and we agreed a solution and when the changes would happen. I announced it to the teachers and I leave for one day and everything falls apart. When I approached what had happened and where the problem occurred I was faced with a complete shut down and lack of ownership. They avoid the use of the word no and just do what they want anyway and I feel like I’m having to pick up the pieces. It’s so hard cos I have to remain calm as any form of aggression does not work here, I have to allow them to save face and get the job done at the same time. I’m not overly fused about being bull shitted at the best of times but am finding new ways of working. Maybe more manipulation and less bulldozing?
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