Back to civilisation

I’ve been in New Zealand for a week now and I’ve still not made my mind up about Cambodia and am not entirely sure I ever will.

In some ways I can’t stand the place. I’ve met some characters I’d never want to see again. I met people who will stop at nothing to screw over anyone in their path. Cambodia seems to be a place where theses people are making huge steps forward in society whether you like it or not. But what is coupled with that is fear. There is so much fear and distrust in the culture that it actually stops some people making any steps forward.

Let’s face it. I wasn’t too good with the whole hierarchy thing. I’m (as I’m sure everyone agrees) not overly surprised about that. I suppose in order to respect it you need to understand it. I found that people were often nice and sweet to your face and would then walk away and do what ever suited them. This seemed to be a common and accepted way of life that I often managed to upset.

I hate that curiosity and asking questions is not encouraged, especially, in schools. There is no thinking for themselves and no understanding of why things are right and wrong. They just are. For those who do step up and ask questions they seem to struggle the most in society.

It makes me angry because I imagine the place in 30 years time and just see the bad elements of society being pushed to the forefront.

But then on the other hand I absolutely love the place. I adore how hard the people work, especially the kids, picking up rubbish to make their money for the day to just go out and do it again the next day. They look like adults working hard and then you see this glimmer of an innocent child, laughing, joking, stealing fruit off the neighbours tree and trying not to fall out the tree at the same time. This alone could and often did make everything else seem trivial.

I loved witnessing the most underprivileged share with their brothers and sisters everything they had, making sure they got out the rain first, they got the first bowl of rice, that no one bullied them.

How nothing but simply raising my eyebrows could make a bunch a kids giggle.  Language doesn’t have to be verbal.

Unfortunately, my emotions have never been in the middle about Cambodia, its culture or its people.

I don’t think I’ll ever figure these people out and what has dawned on me over the past 5mths is that I don’t think a lot of the Cambodians know what is going on most of the time either. If they can’t figure out their own people I am pretty impressed with what I’ve learnt in 5mths.

I was always very realistic about what I was going to and what I came from but it seems that what it takes you months to get used to soon becomes a part of you and could takes you just as long to get back to normality again.

I was told I’d probably experience reverse culture shock but it hasn't been like I thought it would be. I knew what I was coming to in New Zealand, I knew how things worked here and was very realistic about the fact I was coming back to what is, by comparison, a rich country so haven’t really been taken by surprise by much except the lack of noise. There are no motorbikes, no “Tuktuk Lady?” every 5mtrs as I walk down the road, no rubbish man squeaking his rubber ducky at 5am as he walks down the road collecting what ever he can to sell and no Asian pop blaring out of mobile phones. The stimulation is a lot less and almost seems boring by comparison.

It’s no secret we have huge amounts of space in New Zealand, most of which is full up with sheep or rugby fields, but we also have a huge amount of personal space. It’s great to have my personal space back but is also a little strange as well. We interact with each other so much less and it takes so much longer to push out the boundaries. Simply smiling at someone means you’re crazy not that you are just acknowledging that they are there.  

It must have taken my body about 5 weeks when I arrived in Cambodia to keep food down and be able to process it. What no one tells you is that when you’ve only eaten curry, everyday for 5 mths, your body forgets how to process anything else. Chewing is a whole new, forgotten, experience.  

I’m frozen to the bone. As I flew over the Southern Alps to Christchurch I felt this shiver down my spine when I looked out the window and saw mountains with snow on them. I thought “Crap. I’ve not got any winter clothes!” There is wind, which is not connected to a monsoon, sun that’s not hot and sweaty and I’ve been covered in as much clothing as I can pile on since I stepped foot off that plane. The complete lack of humidity leaves your body thirsty for water all the time.

As cliché as it is, I walked past the house I grew up in this morning and was shocked when I thought about what we considered poverty to be.

But what has probably hit me the hardest is how easily you move onto the next phase and forget that there are 100s and 1000s of people still out there, and in a small office in Barry, Wales, continuing to do the work day in and day out.